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xth
caitlyn dawn:
heyya
[2:57pm] Ninja - Ninja:
yo
[2:58pm] caitlyn dawn:
was it u who wanted to call me?
[2:59pm] Ninja - Ninja:
for the sake of a better conversation than we had last, yes.
[2:59pm] caitlyn dawn:
oo sorri i jus an sooo exhausted
[3:01pm] Ninja - Ninja:
was that what it was?
[3:01pm] caitlyn dawn:
r u mad at me?
yea
[3:02pm] Ninja - Ninja:
No. I'm not mad at you. I don't have a reason to be mad.
[3:02pm] caitlyn dawn:
ok do u wana call me now my family is gone but i can only talk for bout 10 minutes ok?
or 20
[3:03pm] Ninja - Ninja:
you're still grounded, aren't you?
[3:03pm] caitlyn dawn:
yea she yelled at me today n i didnt talk to her at all
i ignored her n she got mad
[3:04pm] Ninja - Ninja:
Hum. That brings up a question.
[3:04pm] caitlyn dawn:
ok ask me
[3:04pm] Ninja - Ninja:
How old are you really?
[3:05pm] caitlyn dawn:
omg my step dad says u live under my roof u follow my rules so im almost 18 in bout 2 months august 20 i swear
[3:06pm] Ninja - Ninja:
so you're still 17? If you are, then why pose as 19? I don't get it.
[3:06pm] caitlyn dawn:
if u dont wana call me ok i dont care i want u 2 but i aint forceing u
[3:08pm] Ninja - Ninja:
I can't right now anyway. I have a prepaid phone and I don't have any minutes.
In any case, you still didn't answer my question...
[3:08pm] caitlyn dawn:
bout da posin of 19?
[3:08pm] Ninja - Ninja:
yes.
[3:09pm] caitlyn dawn:
ok my friend caitlyn thought this thing was suppose to b hers n it was suppose to be mine she jus turned 20
im 17 almost 18 n my name is rielgh blender kholer
[3:10pm] Ninja - Ninja:
wait...so that's not even a picture of you?
[3:11pm] caitlyn dawn:
OMFG IT IS SHE JUS USED HER NAME N BIRRTHDAY N ME N HER DONT KNO HOW TO CHANGE IS I SWEAR
[3:12pm]
IT* I SWEAR u wld neva lie to u
[3:14pm]
do u hate me?
[3:14pm] Ninja - Ninja:
No...I don't hate you. I don't even know you.
[3:15pm] caitlyn dawn:
i knew u were gona say dat
[3:16pm] Ninja - Ninja:
What grade are you in?
[3:16pm] caitlyn dawn:
11th
[3:18pm] Ninja - Ninja:
hum.
[3:18pm] caitlyn dawn:
why r u askin me all dis questions? i didnt try to do anything to u hurt wise i swear i liuv u alot b ut u cant feel da same bout me
[3:19pm] Ninja - Ninja:
I just want to know the truth. That's all.
[3:20pm] caitlyn dawn:
i jus told u da truth
[3:20pm] Ninja - Ninja:
Then answer one more question for me: Why did you start talking to me?
[3:21pm] caitlyn dawn:
cuz i saw ur picture n i jus thought i cld trust u n u wouldnt hurt me like anyone else
[3:22pm] Ninja - Ninja:
It's a two-way street, y'know? Plus, we live it two different world.
*worlds.
[3:23pm]
I can't give you anything more than a friendship. Anything deeper is just a little unreasonable.
[3:24pm] caitlyn dawn:
how? if u dont luv me tell me i dont wana think u do n get hrut
[3:26pm] Ninja - Ninja:
wait...? What?? Who said anything about love?? I don't know you! This is the second time you've ever talked to me! How do you love me??? I don't get it!
[3:26pm] caitlyn dawn:
i said u donttttt jus forget it
[3:26pm] Ninja - Ninja:
Easily. I don't get high school kids these days...
[3:27pm] caitlyn dawn:
y?
[3:29pm] Ninja - Ninja:
I don't see who you can just up and say that you love someone just by looking at his picture...
[3:30pm] caitlyn dawn:
u want to kno da truth?
[3:32pm] Ninja - Ninja:
Yes.
[3:33pm] caitlyn dawn:
i only looked at 2 ppl profile n said i liked them but one died from a car accident
[3:35pm] Ninja - Ninja:
hum.
[3:36pm] caitlyn dawn:
n i jus have a gud feelin bout u but i dont kno i dont wana cry right now but to late ok im gonin to bed
[3:36pm] Ninja - Ninja:
Okay.
[3:36pm] caitlyn dawn:
like u care right?
[3:37pm] Ninja - Ninja:
It's more along the lines of "I still don't get it".
[3:37pm] caitlyn dawn:
right
[3:38pm] Ninja - Ninja:
why did you think that about me?
[3:38pm] caitlyn dawn:
cuz idk i jus like u
[3:42pm]
ok
?
[3:43pm] Ninja - Ninja:
I just find it so hard to believe that someone could just instantly decide that someone is good for them just by looking at his picture and only know superficial information...
[3:45pm] caitlyn dawn:
i dont kno im sorri i ruined ur life
[3:46pm] Ninja - Ninja:
No you didn't. I promise. I know that sounds mean, but you really haven't.
[3:47pm] caitlyn dawn:
yea i did cuz if i didnt ruin it we wldnt b in dis sistuation
[3:48pm] Ninja - Ninja:
That sounds a little conceited when you think about it.
[3:48pm] caitlyn dawn:
i kno but its true
[3:49pm] Ninja - Ninja:
Well, I'm not devastated. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be able to sleep well tonight. I don't feel like crying. I still feel like I can move forward in life.
I think I'm doing okay. lol
Just sayin'.
[3:50pm]
My life isn't ruined. Yours shouldn't be either.
This isn't the end of the world or whatever.
[3:51pm] caitlyn dawn:
gud for u ur lucky after this i bet its goen b hard for me n mine is cuz i got in ur life n yea it is ur neva luv me (cuz u dont kno me)
[3:54pm]
i jus feel like im dying ok im goin bye
[3:55pm] Ninja - Ninja:
I think you need to get a more efficient life than the one you're living.
[3:56pm]
If you're getting this worked up about someone you don't even know.
[3:56pm] caitlyn dawn:
i wna kno u but how ?
[3:56pm] Ninja - Ninja:
what are you hoping to get by knowing me?
[3:57pm] caitlyn dawn:
yea
[3:59pm] Ninja - Ninja:
huh?
[3:59pm] caitlyn dawn:
i do hope ok bye im ogna think wat u said
[4:00pm] Ninja - Ninja:
...
okay then.
10th-May-2009 03:16 am - eh.
xth
I'm not even really sure about what I'm working for anymore. I've been trying so hard to accomplish a goal that is becoming seemingly more unrealistic the closer I seem to get to it.

I'm just in so much doubt right now. I'm just not sure what I'm going to do. And with no help really coming from anywhere...


...Yeah.
4th-May-2009 04:42 am - I made a decision.
xth
Today, I got a little more trouble than I bargained for.

I'm through with Jacksonville State University. I'm transferring to Gadsden State Community College, getting my AS degree, and then I'm moving to the University of North Alabama.

Hum...for some reason, I couldn't get on this site from the dorms...
20th-Apr-2009 07:36 am - Changes.
xth
I feel like I'm running out of time. I have so many things that I have to do, but I don't have the resources to do it.

I want to march with Spirit this summer. More than anything I've wanted in a while. I don't want to let things get in the way of that.

In any case, I've picked up smoking now. Not too much of a surprise...not even to my mother. I'm not a chronic, or even addicted for that matter. Hardly anyone even knows.

I found out that my brother was married. That means that my sister-in-law is a widow...

I have a friend who's wanting to start at South next semester. I'm hoping to be able to come down with him to show him the ropes and whatnot. That'll give me a chance to see everyone again before Christmas.
26th-Mar-2009 08:13 am - My Drum Corps History
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Recently, I saw that someone else that I knew had written something like this, so I wanted to do the same. Not too many people even know about my history with drum corps(I'm sure they equally don't care, but whatever), so I decided that I was going to just say it anyway, so please just bare with me.

It starts back in 1992. I'm three years old and watching the Rose Parade(I want to say) with my father. Me being raised in a musically-oriented family, I immediately find interest with the "marching band" I saw on the television screen. My father didn't know, but I said not too shortly after, "That looks cool. I want to do that." About a month later, my father comes up to me and says, "I have a surprise for you." It turns out that he'd done some research of that "marching band" we'd seen on the television screen a while back. About an hour or so later, I find myself in Anaheim, CA watching my very first drum corps show. "Remember that marching band we saw like a month ago? That's them."

It turns out that it was the 1992 Velvet Knights. The Magical Mystery Tour. My very first drum corps.

-fast forward to 2002-

I saw the broadcast of the 2002 DCI World Championships on PBS. The first show that I happened to see was the Cavaliers' production, "Frameworks". I remember being so amazed beyond belief about what I was seeing...but immediately thinking that I'd be never good enough to do something like that. My mother quickly dispelled me and said that I could do anything if I worked for it and if I really wanted it more than the person next to me did.

That December, we made a trip down to Riverside, CA to see Aunt Anez. While there, I saw my father looking up drum corps things on the internet. I just so happened to see something about auditions for a nearby (well...at least nearby for where we currently were) corps named Esperanza. I begged my father to let me do it and he, of course, told me to ask my mother...who inadvertently told me to ask my father. In any case, the auditions were only in a few days and all I had was a trumpet to practice on. (I'd played around on a mellophone months prior, so I figured I'd give that a shot)

I remember showing up to the auditions so freakishly nervous. Of course, it took me until then to realize that I had no experience in marching AND playing at the same time. So I began to push myself, doubtingly. But somehow, I made the cut. My aunt funded me to get out to the camps, I fund-raised more than half of my tuition, and my mother paid the rest. Throughout that entire time, I'm sure my mother was convincing herself to let me go a summer without her. Eventually, the summer came and I was on my way.

Riverside, CA once again became a memorable place for me...because it was there that I saw the 2003 Blue Devils hornline for the first time...I swear I almost went on myself! We followed that corps quite a bit throughout the summer and I had the same feeling every single time I saw them! But something was different, instead of getting the feeling that I wasn't good enough to do that, I had this overwhelming feeling that I wanted to be there no matter what...

Auditions for the 2004 seasons are up. I soon realized that I was probably the youngest person there at the camp. It was intimidating, but I tried not to be deterred. I was set as an alternate. On the third day of all-days, someone ended up getting injured and I got my spot.

That summer was one of the first times in my life that I could actually say that I was living a dream. The only thing about it was the fact that it wasn't anything like I thought it'd be. Not at all. I was treated like shit the entire time...not just for being a rookie, but for being as young as I was. It was one of the reasons why I almost didn't make it through the season (besides me getting over being a chronic asthmatic). It started to make me believe that all Div. I corps were going to be the same way, but at the same time, I reasoned out that it'd be better with age and experience, y'know?

The 2005 season rolls around and I tried marching with the Cadets instead. I crapped out in May because I couldn't handle it. Of course, if I hadn't, I would've had a ring...but all-in-all, I didn't care. I still don't. I made the conscience decision to leave. I didn't go to a single drum corps show that season...

Later on that year, two of my friends (Ryan Wright and Dave Cole) tried out for Spirit. The both ended up getting cut, but it still turned out to be a good trip from what I was told. The summer rolls around and I went to the Atlanta Regional with some people from my old high school band(it was the show that Ryan actually gave me the beanie that I wear to this day). I enjoyed just about every show that season, but it was the first time I'd really noticed Spirit...just the power that was behind that hornline and how much sound they were putting out...it inspired me. That was somewhere I'd want to be...

November of that year comes and one of the trumpet players in my band named Bryant asks me if I wanted to audition for Spirit with him and his cousin. Without hesitation, I said yes and we were off. I met so many people at that camp and it was good getting my feet wet again. Of course, I wasn't aware of how important some of those people at that camp were going to become to me...

Bryant oped not to do Spirit in the end because of his trip to Japan, so I had no ride back up there (well, I did, but it would've eaten away at the money was going to use to pay the tuition). Even with a justified reason, I was still so seriously upset about not being able to go back to Spirit...to the point where I just about cried in front of my mother. No more so than a day later, I got an email from one of the brass techs asking me if I still wanted to march. Still broken, of course I said yes...but instead of telling about a way to go back to Spirit, he told me about another corps in a circuit I'd never even heard of...DCA. He wanted me to march with a corps that he'd help started in Nashville named Music City Legend. After a seriously long amount of deliberation, I finally decided to make the 13-hour trek up to Nashville to check this out.

That was 2007. At the time, it was an awesome season...but when I look back at it, it was seriously lame! Haha. Even still, I'd never take it back. Well, when the time for the 2008 season came around, I was tempted to go back to Spirit. It was my fiancee that ultimately made me stay--she'd had no brass experience whatsoever, and even she was having fun with the music! 2008 ended up being SOOOO much better...at least until the end.

Now, it's 2009. I'm determined to finally march with Spirit this year. I have a lot of shit to do before I can, but for two years, I've literally let everything stop me from doing so. Not this time.

We'll see what happens.
21st-Nov-2008 09:12 pm - The Indifferent Bitterness.
xth
I guess this is the time that I need to let out all of things that I feel like I should be openly bitter about.

1) My fucking father. Hands down, he's become the largest waste of time that I've had to deal with. He's not my goddamned father anymore. Just a fucking sperm donor.

2) I put a lot of people through hell just to get up to Rochester this year...just to not fucking march. I really can't be bitter about from a reasonable standpoint. But goddamnit....I would be fucking lying if I said that it didn't leave a bitter-ass taste in my mouth. It's hard to claim something that I wasn't apart of. I still can't even think of anyway I was even useful while I was up there. In the end, it just felt like a borderline waste of time.
xth
I'm not too terribly happy at the moment.


All I'm really going to say that is that my explanation in my own and I'm going to live by my own goddamned standards.


End of story. I have nothing more to prove.


Fucking sick and tired of it.
xth
Well, the corps was invited to play at some Dish Network convention at the Grand Ole Opry Hotel last night.

Had to have been the most prestigious stage I've ever played on.

Naomi Judd was there last night on stage with us. It was pretty awesome.

Of course, we were...once again...thrusted into the life a professional musician.




Just to give you a taste of what that's like:

"Cheesecake. Bicycle. Shark.

GO!! YOU'RE ON!!!"

And then you're on stage.




You don't have time to be confused or prepare. You just do it.
14th-May-2008 11:47 pm - Episode 9: Josh II
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I've been dubbed Josh II now since there was another Josh prviously working there.

I think it would be awesome if they could've made a name tag that said "Ninja."

I would've loved that.

I'll try to see if I can get them to do that for me someday or something.
10th-May-2008 07:29 pm - Episode 8: Operation "Cannon Fotter"
xth
Sally had me working with beef brisket today...I had to get off early to watch Kary's soccor game. It was rather hardcore.

In any case, I'm pretty worn out..
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